I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I love you. Go after that dick
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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