It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
