i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
