i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
