opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
