Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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