and she was petting her beer can
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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