oh god the rape fog is back!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
