After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just blew my weed a kiss
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
