You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I am naked and annoyed.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize