I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize