I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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