Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
