Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
