Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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