i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize