god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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