I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
