Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Four minutes until I can fart!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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