Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
