while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
