And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
