I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
