Having a random hookup so left but love u
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
