she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
