I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
