the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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