Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
