I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize