in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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