We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
