what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
