I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
