A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
