dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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