Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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