I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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