im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
