The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
