My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
