I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
