I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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