My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Alive.
So much puke
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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