Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
