Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
