I heard we made out
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we're making bets on your personal life
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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