I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
