It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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