So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
