I heard we made out
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
