Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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