i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
