I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
