You just made me feel so damn special
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
