Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
