Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
