matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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