Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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