lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
