I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
