get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
