She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
