my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
