Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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