Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
