I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i permit you to call me
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
