She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize