her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
