i love accidental penises.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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