did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
