just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
