I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
