I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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