His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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